Thursday, March 10, 2011

The ease of her lying astounds me....

M texted and told me last week that she was leaving to go stay with a friend in California for a while. She said she needed a change of scenery and to get away from the dope scene. I told her she could do that here, in rehab. She tells me rehab won't do a thing until she is ready to quit. (Okay, and you wanting to get away from the dope scene doesn't mean you want to quit?) Of course, I'm not dumb, I didn't believe her. How can I tell when M is lying? Her lips are moving. But, then I am thinking I had seen some calls back and forth to Beverly Hills, so I am thinking it may be a possibility. She does know people everywhere. Then it hits me how far she would be if she went to California. It was a sense of panic, sadness. 
The next day she calls and tells me she is in Texas. I cannot believe she left with out saying goodbye, getting to see her and hug her. I cry and she seems to feel bad saying "Awww, Mommy....", I tell her I will call her back and have my mini meltdown in the car.
And she is letting me know where they are during the course of her "journey". They were in Colorado, Nevada, (oh, but they planned on staying away from the Vegas scene). Also told me that her friend set her up with a job interview at a magazine company the following week. Yet, during this time I wasn't seeing any other calls to California. Strange, huh? I mean, if you were travelling across the country to go stay with some one, wouldn't you be letting them know where you are intermittantly? Especially when you arrived? So, I started thinking something was up....
Late one night, M sends me a text asking if I have spoken with ex-boyfriend. Um, I don't even know ex-boyfriend, much less have an opportunity to speak with him. She then tells me ex-boyfriend is freaking out because some one told him she was 15. This is not true, of course. But she begs me to send her a text or voicemail mentioning that she is 19. No, I will not lie. I silence my phone and go to sleep.
So, the next morning I see that she had sent a text back, pleading with me and saying she will go drown herself if I don't, and she will never ask me for another thing, and that she loves this man. (Let me add that this man is 26!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and she is 17.5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I text her back asking if she is really in California because I am thinking, if you are across the state, why do you care what ex-boyfriend thinks?? She says yes, but if he asks her to come back, she might. I ask her what she is still doing awake at 3:30 in the morning?? She says it is 6:30. Busted. It would have been 3:30 over there. I then call my cell phone carrier and they confirm that the calls have been made from our service area. She is not in California.
Can you imagine how pissed I am at myself? She has done it again. Made me an idiot. I had told people she was in California. Ha. Should have known my original gut instincts were right. I tell her that I know the truth and ask why in the world she would make up such a lie?? She says she has been waiting for ex-boyfriend to ask her to stay and that she may be pregnant. OMG. She tells me if she is, she will get it taken care of. She has not had money to buy a test. I remind her that having abused meth as much as she has, she will not have a healthy baby. My best friend's neice and nephew are deformed and riddled with health problems because their parents used crystal meth. Of course, I do not believe she would be pregnant, either. This is all a very obvious ploy to get this man to stay with her.
I tell her my advice to her is to turn herself in to her probation officer, deal with her problems, get the help she needs and start to build a life for herself. I also told her to get to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test as well as an HIV test since she stupidly had unprotected sex. I have not heard from her since Monday.

During all of this, the tv show Intervention contacted me about M. I submitted her a little over a month ago desperate for help. They want to do an episode on younger addicts. They want us to sit down and create a video together and submit ASAP. M won't do it. She watches the show all the time and was very suspicious when I told her a documentary wanted us to do this....

So, that is our update. I am wondering how long to wait before I pack up her old room. It is going to be a bright, sunny office for my husband and I. I want to replace the memories of the drug paraphenalia I have found up there, the meth pipes, the butane lighters, the little baggies and crumpled bits of foil nightmare.


  1. Oh gosh, this is so sad to hear when someone so young has lost their way. I will be thinking of you. Stay strong!

  2. man oh man....I'm sorry for what you're going through,...and that she's not yet seeing the light of a better life. I will keep you in my prayers. As young as she is, I know this is very very hard for you.....and hard for her too. I HATE addiction and the destruction it leaves upon so many of us.

  3. Is there anyway they can do that Intervention a different way? About 6 months ago out of no where my son told me not to pull that with him because first he would not humiliate himself "pretending" - (yea funny) he was a junkie when he wasn't and second he would never go if he was ambushed like that and since he watched the show he would know.

    I wrote Dr. Phil about a week ago but haven't heard anything. They have a kid Brandon on there that is a recovering addict and now helps people. He reminds me so much of my son that I thought I would try.

    It is just getting them there that will be the issue.

    I am in California - if she makes her way here let me know.

    By the way, when we finally accepted that B could not live with us, I put all of his stuff in the garage, fixed all the holes in his room, painted it and moved my younger son in there (he had a small room). I made my younger sons room a little guest room. It was so hard emotionally, it took me a week because it was so nasty in there and I went through everything one by one, but once it was all over there was a sense of relief.

  4. I had a partner who used to go to motels to get drunk. When she was really drunk she would call to tell me that she was in Utah or Canada and would I come and get her. Sometimes she would be on caller id and I could see the local area code from the motel. But, she would sound so convincing!
    I finally came to realize that addicts get so good at the lie that they believe them.

  5. @Tori - A few years ago, she had run away, got expelled from school, claimed she was not living here any longer, etc. Well, she had the bigger bedroom upstairs. I did move all of her stuff out, cleaned and painted the room. Then I moved my youngest in there.
    When she came back home, she had the smaller bedroom. Now that bedroom has become what the other one used to be. I go up there and open the door and I am overwhelmed...:(
    DH and I cleaned out the attic over the weekend and we have plenty of storage space up there now. Most of her things will get stored up there until she has a place of her own one this point, it will not be here. If she ever hits botom and makes the decision to turn her life around, she can go through the program and then move on to sober living from there. We all know she will never make it living here even if she wanted to stay sober...

  6. Such a wonderful post. Thanks for the share. It was very interesting and informative
    scary costumes