Thursday, February 10, 2011

Every waking moment...

That is how often I think about her. From the moment I open my eyes to the moment I close them. What can I do? Surely there is something I can say to get through to her. I just haven't found it yet. Everyone tells me there isn't. I am having a hard time grasping that.

I haven't heard from her since Tuesday. I have lost some weight due to stress. I don't eat when I am stressed. I made a joke about it to my husband this morning and he had the balls to ask me what stress?? Um, hello?? Have you been in a cave?? He tells me that stress will be with me the rest of my life if I let it bother me. I have to be honest when I say this comment really pissed me off. My daughter is addicted to meth. How in the world can that not bother me???? He is a different animal than I am. He is not codependent. He can accept that it is her problem and her journey and only she can change anything. I am on a completely different end of the spectrum. Sometimes he says things that are just completely insensitive. I know he is fed up. He has had enough. She really has put us through hell. But she is a part of me. She is my first born. My baby. No matter what. He is still angry. I get that. I am too. But he didn't birth her. It's different for me.


  1. Dear Mom,

    I like the title of your blog. Parent of an addict is nothing but Hell.

    I am glad you are reading and writing I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me. I found your blog by following teh comment you posted on my blog. I am going to post a link to yours, there are a lot of wonderful people out there with sometimes nothing more than a shoulder to lean on and sometimes that's exactly what we need.

    Be strong. I read all of the history you wrote about and speaking from a mans point of view. Don't be too hard on hubby. We process it differently than you moms. Inside we are hurting too, sometimes we just aren't very good at communicating. (yep us guys got to stick together, LOL)

  2. Welcome to our blogging community. I started about 9 or so months ago just as a release for me. Pretty soon people were leaving comments and giving me invaluable advice. Some of it is harsh but it is what I needed. I am the Queen of Enable! I read your history and my Husband is the same. I would be up all night looking for my son, knocking on doors, etc. and he was sleeping. Like Ron above wrote we are different. But I know my Husband loves him but he does not enable and he is not trying to fix him like I am.

    Keep writing I can't tell you how much it has helped me. There are times I write every single day - long posts, but it has helped me to change - I am still working on it but I am getting there. My son was just arrested a couple of weeks ago (I had tried to have him arrested for a long time) and I did NOT bail him out. I promise you, had he been arrested prior to me blogging and I had not received all the advice I would have bailed him out. He was only in there 4 days and I wished it would have been longer but he is now in Court Ordered rehab. He is probably still not ready, but I figure 30 days sober is better than nothing. And my goodness for once in years it is nice to know where he is. Hang in there.

  3. I do not have a blog but, I do read alot of parents blogs on addiction. Writing it down and talking/blogging/emailing with others in similar situations does help - Your not alone.
    I have a son who is a meth addict.......for many years. I've been at this more years than most or more years than I wish. Take care -

  4. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. This online blogging community will be invaluable. I am one of the persons who will probably be hard on you, and most likely piss you off, but I will always be there to talk to. I can't tell you it gets better, it doesn't. But there ARE ways to make it easier on you. Listen to those of us who have been there for years. We really did learn the hard way. And, some of us have reached a place where we accept what and who our children are, without letting their addiction rule OUR lives. That is the only goal you can achieve.