The last time we took a "real" vacation was a cruise during Thanksgiving of 2009. It was hell. M was vicious, miserable and just a plain b*tch. She really did ruin the vacation for all of us and my husband and I had the worst vacation because of it. I swore I wouldn't pay to have a miserable time again. The trip wasn't cheap. One of the lovely effects of meth - a rotten personality on top of an already not so nice personality. We didn't know at this time that she was using meth - never even fathomed my child would use that junk.
Thanksgiving of 2010, we decided to spend a week up north visiting family. M was already up there staying with my mom again after being kicked out of her cousins apartment. As horrible as it is to say, we had a great time when we weren't with M. We laughed and had fun. We would pick M and take her with us most days and for the most part, she was okay. Overstepping her boundaries a little considering everything she had put us through, but it was okay and we weren't miserable. Sometimes we even had a good time together. Of course this was after M was sober for over a month (starting to see a pattern?).
So, this year we have decided we are taking another "real" vacation. No, we don't consider going to visit family a vacation...lol....especially when it is Massachusetts. But this year we decided we are going to rent a beach house in Hilton Head for a week this summer.
Here is the very weird part, we have never taken a vacation without one of our children. Ever. I hate to admit it, but I don't want M to go. I don't want to be locked up with some one making every one miserable for the week. She doesn't live here and so she has no idea we are even planning this vacation. I don't really want her to know because I don't want her making me feel more guilty about not including her and I don't want her knowing we will not be home for a week (don't want anything happening to our home!). If she goes, not only will we have to deal with her moodiness, mouthiness and blatant disrespect but we would constantly be worried about her leaving and doing heaven knows what with heaven knows who. I just don't want that stress.
But I feel guilty that I do not plan on inviting her. I know I shouldn't. But, I do.
I think it would be different if husband and I were taking a vacation alone, with out either of our children. But of course we are taking our youngest and I guess that is why I feel guilty. But he is a completely different child and does not add stress, is not disrespectful in any type of way and doesn't take off to do anything he isn't supposed to do.
Has any one else been in this position? Did you feel guilty, too?